Thursday, April 9, 2015

It's Time - Coming Home

I have a confession... I'm constantly afraid. I could list all the things I'm afraid of, but it honestly wouldn't be worth your time... (and not really the point of this message)

So how do I cope with all this fear? Usually, I "turtle." I stay "safe" in my little bubble where no words or bodily harm can come to me. However, as I continue down this path of life - God is calling me out of my shell. Asking me to make some bold steps. To believe big dreams. To try something new.

Last spring we felt very strongly that it was time for another little Nally.  We have been beyond blessed with the arrival of Judah and I can't say enough how my heart has grown to love not one, but two children so fully. When we felt that nudge, I was afraid.  Afraid we couldn't afford it. Afraid of the dynamic it might add. Afraid of the legitimate health concerns at hand.

Instead God brought me through so many different verses and calmed my fearful heart.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.    - Deuteronomy 31:6
Over the last few months, we have been wrestling with the desire for me to be home with our kids. I have tried the working mom of two 'thing' for 5 weeks now. It isn't working. We are frazzled. We are tired. We don't have meaningful time together. Our bank account is empty due to high daycare costs. Our entire existence was simply to shuttle back and forth, eat, bathe, and sleep. If we are lucky we get some social time in at church, but even that means we don't really SEE our children, and then have a late night and an even more rough morning.

My inner most being has been screaming out - THERE MUST BE MORE THAN THIS. More than sitting in traffic 3 hours a day. More than trying to figure out what songs your child is singing, because you have no idea what songs she knows. More than driving like a mad person because your infant is starving and it's still 45 minutes to home. More than drive-thru dinners and rushed bedtime routines.
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ""Abba," Father.    - Romans 8:15
But along with my desire to be home, there was fear. Fear that we wouldn't have enough money. Fear that if what limited grocery budgets we might have, Sarah may not like her lunches. Fear that I would lose a sense of community by being home alone all day with two young kids.

But as we prayed and wrestled... and prayed some more... We came back and decided to face our fear and step out in what we knew we were being called to do. Bring me home. Raise up our children. Freelance some to bring in the needed extra income. And that trusting that God, in this step he has called us into, would provide our every NEED.
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.    -Philippians 4:19
With all that said - I have put in my two weeks notice at my current job. Overall the responses received have been positive and we are excited (though still a bit nervous!). Trusting God in this has been hard, but we know without question that we're making the right step for our family.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.    -Matthew 6:25-34
Nally Family - Easter 2015