Let Faith Arise

This whole pregnancy thing has been a giant test of faith.  Do I trust that there is a creator who perfectly knit me together?  Do I trust that that same Creator can knit perfectly my own child and protect it?  Yes, and yes.  Though it's not always easy.

I've had moments of panic.  Moments of joy.  Moments of great stress.  Moments of excitement.

As Jim and I were driving to church on Sunday, this song was the last to play in the car before we got out, and then it was the same song that was all through the worship service from beginning to end.  It was definitely a song that I apparently needed to hear.

We had our 2nd doctor's appointment today and it was more frustrating than anything.  Didn't get to see our little peanut, which I think is total torture... How do they expect you to only have TWO ultrasounds?  We won't get to see him/her until we find out if it's a him/her on March 13.  He/she was also not in the right place for us to hear their heart beating.  Which... at the moment is my biggest fear.  That the baby doesn't have a heartbeat and that we'll lose it still.  Probably irrational, but definitely still a worry.

I am continually reminded through my stress and questioning and uncertainty that I need to stop.  I need to believe.  I need to have faith in the unseen.

For you created my inmost being;    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;    your works are wonderful,    I know that full well. ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you    when I was made in the secret place,    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. ¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;    all the days ordained for me were written in your book    before one of them came to be. ¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!    How vast is the sum of them! ¹⁸ Were I to count them,    they would outnumber the grains of sand—    when I awake, I am still with you.

-Psalm 139:13-18