Well today was exciting!!  We're holding steady at 3lbs 14oz again today.  We had a few family members come again to see little Sarah.  Jim and I went in first to check on her and I needed to pump before everyone got too settled in.  As we walked in the nurse told us the exciting news that Sarah was in CLOTHES!  And that they had turned down her heat in the isolette and they weren't having to use the temperature probe on her at all. She was doing incredibly well with her outfit on and seemed quite happy being bundled up.  We are so proud of our little girl making this step.  It was so funny, because just yesterday I was thinking to myself that she was probably getting close to the clothing stage, and that I should probably take an outfit or two with me.  The nurse yesterday said that it would still be a while before we could try clothes but...  this morning today's nurse took a peek in a bag I had by the bedside that had a sleeper right on ...

Well... Here's a more concrete update for everyone!  The last two days she was holding steady at 3lbs 13oz and today we're up to 3lbs 14oz!  So proud of her weight gain!  We've been nursing for a whole week now!  Yay!  We did take a break from breast feeding and tried out a bottle on Wednesday and Thursday.  Wednesday we ate about 10mls on our own and Thursday, Daddy fed her and she got about 5mls.  She keeps tuckering out on us, but we're still trying!  Today we got the word that we're allowed to feed her TWICE a day now...  That means more evening and late night visits, as it's typically best to spread them out enough so that she can sleep and regain enough energy to try again in the same day.  I think we'll try breast feeding once a day and a bottle the other time to get her used to both and to let Daddy be able to bond with her as well.  The bottle is also a little easier for her tiny mouth to work with. I have been searching ...

This is going to be a long one... And not so much concrete updates - just musings and thoughts that God is placing on my heart in this season.  You've been warned.  :) Many times throughout my life I have hit these "desert" moments.  The seasons of life where I question where God is and why He would bring me to this place.  There are also moments when clarity is given and received gratefully.  I have been in one of these moments for a while now, and it seems now that we're starting to come out of it, and it's so refreshing.  This is not to say that I now understand fully the trials we are currently going through, but to say that He is giving me glimpses of the things that need to be cleared from my life and Jim's life to be more fully reliant on Him. Last night I had several good reasons to not go to church, but I just felt like I really needed to be there.  I am so glad I fought through the headache and discomfort I was in, because it was definite...

Well, well... It's officially been 4 weeks since little Sarah joined the world.  (Well I guess it will officially be 4 weeks at 11:53 pm tonight.)  Hard to believe that we're already 4 weeks into this NICU journey.  In some ways it has literally flown by and in other ways I feel like it's been FOREVER.  The nurses all joke that they're going to put me on the payroll since we've made ourselves at home so much.  Moving chairs around, able to know what beeps mean what, know all the right buttons to push...  We're getting to be pros.  Maybe I have a calling...  Then again... Probably not. Sarah is doing well!  We're excited that as of yesterday she was 3lbs 12oz!  That's up a full pound from her birth weight.  The nurse thought it might be another "fluke", but today she gained some more grams and is holding steady at the 3lbs 12oz weight!  We had another nursing session today, but I don't know exactly how much she ate.  Acco...

We had an excellent weekend.  Spent some time at the hospital with Sarah, spent some extended time with our good friends Andrew and Courtney.  There was some conversation of getting "back to normal".  We all laughed and realized life would never be what we considered "normal" anymore, and that we were now in a new state of "normal."  How so very true.  I have gotten used to the rhythm of hospital trips, working from home, cleaning and organizing around the house.   I still haven't quite gotten in the rhythm of cooking and feeding Jim and myself yet.  Leftovers have dwindled and we're back to running out and grabbing a pizza.  I think I'm going to make a grocery trip today and see what I come back with.  We're getting there.  However, I take hope in the thought that this version of "normal" shouldn't last very long - though, the even newer normal that's coming is starting to be scarier than anything.  It's just so...

Well yesterday was a good day.  Nothing too exciting happened.  Sarah was holding steady at 3lbs 6oz.  Staying the same on feeding amount and on oxygen level.  No major developments there. Today has been an extra good day though... We are up to 3lbs 10oz today!  Hurray!  She is apparently really liking the milkshakes they are giving her.  And in other exciting news, they are going to start trying to get her to eat on her own today. They are wanting to start with breastfeeding instead of a bottle, which I was a little surprised by, but I'm certainly not complaining.  We'll do that today at the 5:30pm feeding, so hopefully it goes well!!  I know that babies don't always pick it up right away, especially with her being so little, so I'm not too optimistic.  Who knows though.  She might take right to it. I also had a doctor's check up today.  My incision looks like it might have a slight infection so I've started some antibioti...

Sarah has seriously been growing!  Yesterday she was 3lbs 3oz, and today she's up to.... 3lbs 6oz!  That's our biggest gain yet to date!  She's been doing incredibly well with all her levels and such.  The doctors are even considering trying a bottle with her soon.  They have all warned me that trying to drink from a bottle for the first time is incredibly difficult, not only in the "suck, swallow, and breathe" rhythm, but also in just the amount of energy it takes to do all that.  She has virtually not been exerting any energy except to grow, digest food, and to occasionally wiggle around. They compare her starting the bottle to you or I going out and trying to run a marathon cold-turkey.  So with that warning, they tell me she will likely only start out at once a day trying the bottle and will likely sleep the entire rest of the day.  This whole moving to a bottle portion of her hospital stay has definitely been the most intimidating...

I hate that I haven't updated in a couple days!  Our tablet was having trouble with the Blogger app, and after a few failed attempts, I didn't have the patience to type it all out AGAIN on the computer. Father's Day was a good day.  Jim spend the afternoon with Sarah, holding her and just being with her.  Jim's parents were down for the afternoon as well, so they rotated in to see her and spend time with us. Saturday night we stopped in the local Christian bookstore and picked up a couple books for us to read Sarah while she's still in the hospital.  One is a book of Bible stories, and the other is a book called "Dance Me, Daddy".  I have fallen in love with it!  It was written by Cindy Morgan, and based on a song that she wrote that Point of Grace sings.  I thought it was perfect for Jim's first Father's Day.  Today's song is the song the book is based on. Yesterday was a bit of a rough day for me emotionally.  I am sure the nurses mu...

Today seemed to be much better than yesterday.  I think my hormones got the best of me yesterday. Sarah is holding steady right now at 3 pounds.  Seems we've hit a bit of a plateau with her weight.  She's increased her feedings up to 28 mls, so surely she'll be growing soon!  She had to have her oxygen turned up a little again today, so we're hoping that goes back down soon; she's back up to 30-40% and 1 liter.  (She had been down as low as 20% and .5 liters) I got to hold her for about an hour and a half today, change a couple - yes a COUPLE - dirty diapers within that time frame as well, and most importantly introduce her to her Great Grandma Becht.  She was also happy to see her Grandpa and Grandma Becht again (that sounds weird in relation to my parents!!).  She certainly doesn't have a shortage of people who love her! Another exciting thing to note is the wonderful staff at my mom's office threw a little baby shower for us yesterday.  T...

Sarah had a good day yesterday and last night. She weighed in at 3lbs even again. Feedings are holding steady. The nurse tried taking her oxygen tube out for a bit this morning because she keeps pulling it off and her little nose has a scab on it from where its rubbing between her nostrils.  Unfortunately her oxygen level kept dipping just below where they want to see it so they have to keep it on for now. Its a little problematic because they switched her feeding tube to being through her nose instead of her mouth, so all those little tubes don't really fit into her tiny nostril. I'm having another rough day today. I'm just so tired of being in the NICU.  I'm tired of seeing my little girl all covered in wires and tubes. On a positive note, I want to brag on my company, Nashville Ballet for a minute. I am so blessed to be working with a wonderful group of caring individuals who have gone above and beyond to be flexible with me in this season of unknown and transi...

Sorry this post is so late today! Its been a big day in Nally land! Yesterday we took our LAST trip up to Centennial!! I got the call at 7:30 am that she had made the trip and was safely at Williamson. Today has been filled with making sure she's settled in well.  Which she has! We are much happier with our experience there instead of at Centennial. While the care up there was mostly excellent, there were some things we didn't care for. One of my favorite things about Williamson is that it is so much smaller. The NICU there right now has 5-6 babies in there. The last room we were in before the transport had at least 10 all tight together. The nurses at Williamson for the most part are able to give a much more personalized experience. We ended up chatting a lot with our nurse this evening who went through a similar pregnancy situation as I did. Most all the nurses remembered us and welcomed us back. I guess it helps to have the crazy-you-almost-died story. Sarah seems to be ...

My sweet baby girl got her IV off yesterday, as I mentioned in yesterday's post... But let me just say how GOOD it is to see her without that stinkin' board taped to her hand!  She's taking all her full feedings like a pro, and having crazy full diapers!  Yes!  The system is working properly!! We were there last night for the weigh in, and she had a minute step back to 2lbs. 15oz.  Soon these 2lb days will seem like a thing of the past. We were also told late yesterday that the transport might not happen today.  It has something to do with something on Williamson's end.  They did say, however, that it should be no later than Friday, but that it would be a day by day situation to determine when we do it. The last couple days we've been showered with love by our church family with many meals. We are so thankful for those that have kept us fed as we journey and spend time and recover from surgery!

As of last night she weighed.... drumroll, please..... 3 POUNDS!  Yay!!  We're so excited that she's moved into a new pound bracket.  Only 1 pound away from getting out of the isolette (the covered bed) into an open air bed and starting to be able to wear clothes! Yesterday Sarah's breathing was pretty elevated so they increased the concentration of oxygen they were giving her, but reduced the amount delivered over the course of the day.  It seemed to work, and she had an easy night and morning this morning. They took out her IV this morning and increased her feedings up to 22 mls, which is considered a "full" feeding for her size.  I was worried I wasn't making enough milk to keep up with that demand, but I'm producing at least 4 times as much in a day than she's eating... So that made me feel MUCH better.  She should have plenty of tasty food to eat!  And boy does she like the taste of it.  They keep putting drops of it on her paci, and she ...

I'm wearing REAL PANTS today!  This is my excitement of the morning.  I've been wearing yoga pants as not to intrude on my incision site, but after 24 hours without a single pain killer, I decided I should try real pants.  And the FIT.  I'm not talking maternity pants here.  Normal, every day, non-pregnant Amanda pants.  2 weeks ago I peaked at my highest weight and largest size and most swollen state.  29 pounds less later, and less than 2 weeks later - I don't give off the slightest hint of being pregnant or having a newborn at all.  It's all kind of surreal.  I'm actually weighing in a couple pounds less than my pre-baby weight.  It's amazing how much of that was water weight gained right at the end - which should have triggered me to worry...  but as everyone said... "It's your last trimester, you're supposed to start blowing up about now!"  Now I know that wasn't exactly accurate. I've been calling this morning to get la...

Let's start with her stats from yesterday - 2lbs. 14oz. at the start of the day.  We've also discovered they weigh pretty early in the evenings... So as of last night we're up to 2lbs. 15oz.!!  Almost 3lbs!!  We're packing it on now!  Holding steady at 12mls a feeding right now.  We came off the lipids (fats) yesterday!  Only one more IV fluid left to get rid of - which will leave once we get a little higher on our feeding number.  The nurse thinks that will be in 3-4 days.  Still holding at a 1 on our oxygen.  We're hopeful that will come down again today. Yesterday was alright.  I was overly emotional and moody, but what's new?  On our way up to see Sarah, we hit solid, stopped traffic on the interstate. No way to get off, no way to move.  I was afraid we were going to miss her 2 pm feeding.  Her feeding times are the special times.  That's when they'll open up her isolette and let us really get in there and int...

Sarah had a good day yesterday.  We're down to only one bag of IV fluids.  We lost the bag of lipids yesterday.  We should lose the IV completely in a couple days.  We're just waiting on her feedings to get a little more substantial so she'll be ensured to get all the vitamins she needs.  They'll also be able to add all her medications and vitamins to the milk and do everything orally which will be great. She's officially back off the jaundice lights as well.  The nurse seemed pretty confident that she was off them for good this time, but we'll see.  They teased us with taking her off them once before.  I'm not 100% positive that we're done with them. She's also ready for her first bath today, so that should be exciting!  Since they went ahead and removed her umbilical stub, we should be able to fully submerge her in water instead of doing a sponge bath.  She still hasn't been thoroughly bathed since she was born since she's been...

Yesterday marked the first day that Jim went back to work since Sarah was born.  I know it was really tough for him to go while I'm still out and at home and with her in the hospital - but it was necessary.  Luckily it was a Thursday, so he has a couple days to ease into it before going for a full week.  We're also very thankful that my mom and sister could be here for this transition time when I'm still unable to do much and can't drive yet. We came off the bili blanket yesterday!  While it was super stylish, it wasn't very comfy and Sarah was much more agitated with it on.  She was a much more calm little girl.  She still had the overhead light on so that means still more sunglasses time.  The nurse last night was optimistic that she'd come off them today though.  We'll have to find out when we go visit! When we went up last night we were there for her weighing - she's up to 2lbs. 13oz and holding steady!  She's also up to 10m...

How blessed I am to have a husband that sings hymns to our little one...  Yesterday Jim was able to hold our little girl for the first time.  After they handed her to him, she kept looking up at him.  How excited I am to watch their relationship grow and blossom throughout the course of our lives.  She got a little fussy, but Jim just rocked her and soothed her with a hymn.  She went right to sleep.  How precious. Her jaundice levels were elevated again yesterday so, they had to put her not only on a bili light, but also on a bili blanket.  That thing was neon blue and glowed.  She looked like she was at the disco!  Really hoping that she comes back off those lights again soon.  She doesn't like wearing the glasses and wants to look around.  I think she takes after her momma in wanting to see the world and not miss a thing! I must say how amazing it is that even at this small size, babies have personalities and quirks just like...

Yesterday was a good day.  It wasn't a great day, but it was a good day.  With having the ventilator removed, Sarah has found her lungs and her vocal chords and has figured out how to cry.  If you think seeing a regular baby cry is tough... Wait until you see a 2lb baby in a plastic box cry.  You can't pick them up, you can't comfort them in any way really. No amount of patting, or touching or talking could calm my little one down.  It truly broke my heart. We did get the OK to finally hold her yesterday!  We're only allowed to hold her once a day right now and for about 30-45 minutes maximum.  She was crying until they laid her on my chest and immediately she calmed down.  We sat and rocked and sang and talked for just over 30 minutes until it was time to go and time to eat.  She started crying right away once they took her from me.  I absolutely hate that we can't hold her more.  Today Jim will get a turn holding her. ...

Yesterday was a fantastic birthday.  Not what I expected at all for my birthday, but fantastic none the less.  Sarah seemed to be a completely different baby yesterday.  Definitely in a good way! She was alert and responsive to our voices and sounds.  They took her off the ventilator and she was doing excellently without it.  She only has the nasal cannula right now that is helping her lungs to not deflate entirely between breaths.  It's the reason her mouth is a little more bubbly than normal.  Just lots of oxygen in her system! They are also giving her a low dose of caffeine to help stimulate growth and strengthening key muscles.  I have a feeling that's part of why she was so alert yesterday - she had her morning coffee already! She also was able to meet her Great-Grandmama Nally and Great-Grandmama Burris for the first time yesterday.  Jim's grandmothers had a vacation planned starting this week, so they just altered their c...

I must say the last 24 hours have been quite the emotional roller coaster.  My hormones and emotions are starting to click into panic mode, where before I had been in survival, deal with it, get through it mode.  I'm much more prone to random crying spells and panicking that there's no way we'll ever be able to afford a 4-10 week NICU stay.  I have to keep reminding myself that God will not bring us TO something if He's not willing to bring us THROUGH it. Right before our move to Nashville, I had gone through a worrying phase of not knowing how the move was going to work and that Jim and I would never be together again.  Laying alone in bed one night, I distinctly heard God speak to me... "Have I not brought you this far?  Will you not trust me the rest of the way?"  I have clung to these words over the last 9 months or so and continue to do so during this time of uncertainty. The Lord who provides EVERYTHING, who created the stars and the moo...

Thursday morning, May 31 I finally got to go see my little girl.  Right before we went to go, they told me they were putting her on a ventilator so I had to wait a while before going to see her.  When I did finally go see her she was covered in tubes and wires.  My poor baby was so wound up upon hearing our voices that she started needing more and more oxygen.  She started throwing her body around and propelling herself backwards toward the glass wall.  They kicked us out to get her settled back down. Because of the ventilator and her not resting well they decided we needed to transfer her up to Centennial for better care with the ventilator - as Williamson didn't have the facilities to leave her on the machine for the long term. Guilt was settling in pretty heavily.  If I had just taken better care of myself... If I had noticed the signs earlier... If I hadn't gotten her riled up... Lots of 'ifs'. I was completely in tears most of the day.  One ...

On May 30, 2012 I woke up in a hospital room filled with family.  I don't really remember much as I was still coming out of the anesthesia they had me under for the surgery.  It was filled with hugs, questions, making sure I was ok.  Jim was able to go back and see Sarah around 2:30 am that morning.  She was breathing on her own which was more than they had expected.  She only had a little oxygen tube in her nose to help make sure her levels stayed high. I don't have very many memories of this day at all.  My hospital stay is broken up in my mind based on which nurse I had and when.  They were all fabulous and were just what I needed when.  Even in the nursing staff, I thank God for his provision of timing and care. My first nurse was a quiet, calm older lady.  She took incredibly great care of me and never pushed me past my limits.  You could hear the concern in her voice and I was so thankful for her.  She ...

I really have no words or way to start this out.  I know I need to keep up with thoughts and progress and such...  It's just so overwhelming.  This first few posts will be a little long as I give all the back story to this week.  Hopefully the updates from here on out won't be so lengthy. I guess we'll just start at the beginning and talk about all that has happened in the last few days.  A week ago, we were with family in Lexington getting ready for our first baby shower for our new baby girl Sarah.  I was 29 weeks pregnant, almost 30 weeks.  It was an early shower, but I was just so excited to start REALLY preparing for her birth in the fall.  We had a great weekend, busy... Saw lots of people.  Had a great time! Monday was the holiday and we came home early afternoon.  I collapsed on the couch and pretty much stayed there the rest of the day.  I was so incredibly worn out.  I hadn't slept in about a week really, had...