Better than a Hallelujah
Thursday morning, May 31 I finally got to go see my little girl. Right before we went to go, they told me they were putting her on a ventilator so I had to wait a while before going to see her. When I did finally go see her she was covered in tubes and wires. My poor baby was so wound up upon hearing our voices that she started needing more and more oxygen. She started throwing her body around and propelling herself backwards toward the glass wall. They kicked us out to get her settled back down.
Because of the ventilator and her not resting well they decided we needed to transfer her up to Centennial for better care with the ventilator - as Williamson didn't have the facilities to leave her on the machine for the long term.
Guilt was settling in pretty heavily. If I had just taken better care of myself... If I had noticed the signs earlier... If I hadn't gotten her riled up... Lots of 'ifs'.
I was completely in tears most of the day. One one of my trips back to the room from visiting her, we were stopped by the photography lady wanting to talk about taking her birth pictures. I'm sure I freaked her out and started crying on her. When I told her she was covered in tubes and wires, she quickly said that we could take pictures later. Which would have been a sweet thought... but all I could take it as at that very moment is that my child wasn't attractive enough for this photography lady to take pictures of... One snowball of emotion after another... Time was passing quickly before they'd transport her away from me, and I had just seen her for the first time.
By early afternoon they arrived with Sarah all strapped in a transport incubator. She was ready for her first car trip. Not at all what I thought it would look like...
The rest of the afternoon was spent focused on getting healthy, cleaned up and prepped for getting out of the hospital. My doctor stopped by and said that I could most likely leave the following day (Friday) if I did well through the night.
After they told me I might go home, they moved me to another, smaller room now that my baby had left the hospital. Jim went up to Centennial to make sure Sarah got settled well and my mom and I stayed behind to settle into my new room.
On Friday morning, I got cleared to leave the hospital. Most of the morning was filled with visitors and packing up the room. By 2pm my mom and I were loading up and heading towards Centennial to visit my little girl...
Because of the ventilator and her not resting well they decided we needed to transfer her up to Centennial for better care with the ventilator - as Williamson didn't have the facilities to leave her on the machine for the long term.
Guilt was settling in pretty heavily. If I had just taken better care of myself... If I had noticed the signs earlier... If I hadn't gotten her riled up... Lots of 'ifs'.
I was completely in tears most of the day. One one of my trips back to the room from visiting her, we were stopped by the photography lady wanting to talk about taking her birth pictures. I'm sure I freaked her out and started crying on her. When I told her she was covered in tubes and wires, she quickly said that we could take pictures later. Which would have been a sweet thought... but all I could take it as at that very moment is that my child wasn't attractive enough for this photography lady to take pictures of... One snowball of emotion after another... Time was passing quickly before they'd transport her away from me, and I had just seen her for the first time.
By early afternoon they arrived with Sarah all strapped in a transport incubator. She was ready for her first car trip. Not at all what I thought it would look like...
The rest of the afternoon was spent focused on getting healthy, cleaned up and prepped for getting out of the hospital. My doctor stopped by and said that I could most likely leave the following day (Friday) if I did well through the night.
After they told me I might go home, they moved me to another, smaller room now that my baby had left the hospital. Jim went up to Centennial to make sure Sarah got settled well and my mom and I stayed behind to settle into my new room.
On Friday morning, I got cleared to leave the hospital. Most of the morning was filled with visitors and packing up the room. By 2pm my mom and I were loading up and heading towards Centennial to visit my little girl...
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