Calmer of My Troubled Heart
I must say the last 24 hours have been quite the emotional roller coaster. My hormones and emotions are starting to click into panic mode, where before I had been in survival, deal with it, get through it mode. I'm much more prone to random crying spells and panicking that there's no way we'll ever be able to afford a 4-10 week NICU stay. I have to keep reminding myself that God will not bring us TO something if He's not willing to bring us THROUGH it.
Right before our move to Nashville, I had gone through a worrying phase of not knowing how the move was going to work and that Jim and I would never be together again. Laying alone in bed one night, I distinctly heard God speak to me... "Have I not brought you this far? Will you not trust me the rest of the way?" I have clung to these words over the last 9 months or so and continue to do so during this time of uncertainty.
The Lord who provides EVERYTHING, who created the stars and the moon and all the people on Earth cares enough to whisper these things to me. To hold me even when I'm so numb that I can't feel it...
Just a few updates over the last few days, and then I'll be officially caught up to present:
Friday, June 1 I was discharged and spent a little time up at the NICU with baby Sarah. I was so weak and tired that I didn't get to stay very long. I did get to change her diaper and check her temperature! These little things are huge in way of feeling like I'm actually providing something for my little one.
Saturday, June 2 They started feeding her milk today, which is great! And I've actually been starting to produce enough to cover her as her intake increases. Another little triumph for me as we continue this journey. It's one of the few things I can actually DO and see the benefits of. Only I can make the best food for her right now. Such an unusual process, but at the same time so perfectly natural. She is currently taking 1ml of milk right now at each feeding... Every three hours.
We got to change another wet diaper and take her temperature. All signs pointing to coming of the ventilator soon. Just not yet... Her weight had dropped a little down to 2lbs 8oz, but that was expected at this state. Excited to see that number start to go up soon.
Sunday, June 3 The jaudice lights went away today!! We got to see her without her mask/sunglasses on the entire time. She even opened her tiny eyes and looked at us for a few moments. What a moment. Such a thrill... Today we also changed our first dirty diaper! I've never seen such tiny poo! And never so happy to see a dirty diaper either... Little victories and mercies. Milk production continues to grow as her demand also grows. She's now up to 2mls at a feeding every three hours. She seems to be stomaching the milk well. Hopefully the weight will start to grow now. She was back to her birth weight today of 2lbs 12oz.
Right before our move to Nashville, I had gone through a worrying phase of not knowing how the move was going to work and that Jim and I would never be together again. Laying alone in bed one night, I distinctly heard God speak to me... "Have I not brought you this far? Will you not trust me the rest of the way?" I have clung to these words over the last 9 months or so and continue to do so during this time of uncertainty.
The Lord who provides EVERYTHING, who created the stars and the moon and all the people on Earth cares enough to whisper these things to me. To hold me even when I'm so numb that I can't feel it...
"Be strong and courageous... do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9
Just a few updates over the last few days, and then I'll be officially caught up to present:
Friday, June 1 I was discharged and spent a little time up at the NICU with baby Sarah. I was so weak and tired that I didn't get to stay very long. I did get to change her diaper and check her temperature! These little things are huge in way of feeling like I'm actually providing something for my little one.
Saturday, June 2 They started feeding her milk today, which is great! And I've actually been starting to produce enough to cover her as her intake increases. Another little triumph for me as we continue this journey. It's one of the few things I can actually DO and see the benefits of. Only I can make the best food for her right now. Such an unusual process, but at the same time so perfectly natural. She is currently taking 1ml of milk right now at each feeding... Every three hours.
We got to change another wet diaper and take her temperature. All signs pointing to coming of the ventilator soon. Just not yet... Her weight had dropped a little down to 2lbs 8oz, but that was expected at this state. Excited to see that number start to go up soon.
Sunday, June 3 The jaudice lights went away today!! We got to see her without her mask/sunglasses on the entire time. She even opened her tiny eyes and looked at us for a few moments. What a moment. Such a thrill... Today we also changed our first dirty diaper! I've never seen such tiny poo! And never so happy to see a dirty diaper either... Little victories and mercies. Milk production continues to grow as her demand also grows. She's now up to 2mls at a feeding every three hours. She seems to be stomaching the milk well. Hopefully the weight will start to grow now. She was back to her birth weight today of 2lbs 12oz.
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| Seeing our baby open her eyes for the first time. A special thanks to Sarah's nurse who captured this moment for us! |
That is the sweetest picture ever!!!! So glad Sarah is doing well!
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